my husband is driving my daughter awaybest rock hunting in upper peninsula

The dad cant have it both ways being rude while demanding respect and attention. Roll your eyes!?! Do they really want intimacy but fear that their need will end up in entrapment? The LWs husband sounds like my father. Fruits and veggies are healthier than potato chips thats a fact. Asking her to read a National Geographic article is hardly onerous. But mom, dont do the us versus him. And we always managed to have fun and more than a few laughs. Make it clear that it's not just his children that feel this way but you as well, and that something must change. He likes baseball, but he doesnt want to go to games, he likes golf, but he doesnt ever go, he likes history, but he doesnt really like books, hell watch something about the JFK assassination if its on the history channel but cant be bothered to pop in a DVDgift giving, really, is impossible, as is spending time with him that doesnt involve eating. To me, those things just come along with being part of a family. Your well-intended desires to connect in rational and predictable ways gave way to superstitious behaviors: "If I just pay close enough attention to all the previous interactions, I can control the outcome by doing everything just right. Like making sure the sun comes up by accurately participating in the correct rituals. , temperance A good game will bring out the competitiveness in everyone. My junior daughter does & my husband complains all the time that she has no need for a cellphone except when she is driving. Also, by disparaging the hobbies of the daughter, he is also disparaging his wifes interests. So insightful! A talk with your husband about encouraging ALL of her interests (NOT belittling them) and being her own person is crucial at this age. Good luck! My inner fan girl is all riled up now =). All letters are treated in complete confidence and, to protect this privacy, Fiona is unable to pass on your messages to other readers. Entirely too much. He didnt tell me The Right Stuff was a terrible song, he tried to play me some Beatles or Eagles to open my mind. You also need to encourage your husband to be respectful of his daughters interests. I felt like he was listening, he felt like he was involved.. And relinquish some of your time with her so that your husband can have a chance to nurture his own relationship with her. I think she may even already suspect this otherwise why ask you to approach him on her behalf? And my dad is a veritable warehouse of rocknroll trivia when a new song came on, hed often share a fact he knew about the band (Did you know Rush is a three-person band, and that the bassist is the lead singer?), or tell us about a concert he went to in his youth (hes been on stage with Ozzy, yall, close enough to see the O-Z-Z-Y tattooed across his knuckles), or quiz me and my brother to see if we knew who the band was or what the song was. One of my faves is when they all de-evolve into more primitive forms and Worf-monster hunts Picard around the ship. THIS. I think the fathers criticism is a major problem, although I also think the daughter should be encouraged to become educated and skillful in the things hes attempting to teach her too (life is better when youre well-rounded and competent in a lot of things). My favorite things in the world when I was a kid were books, baton twirling, girl scouts, dance, and trivia game shows. lets_be_honest What would be the point of responding to him when he would not be the one reading it? Instead, you never know how they are going to react to a given situation. Your first reaction is to take sides, but you realize that would be a mistake. So, based on my experience, its not helpful to your daughter to make it you against him. Most certainly. It may be up to this mom to protect her daughter, especially if the fights she describes keep getting worse. I think the dad sounds like kind of a jerk, and heres why growing up (and now, lets be real), I was a total geek for many things, including Star Wars (and I was born in 84, so it was years behind the times for me, too). If everybody liked the same things, the world would be rather boring. Same thing with intellectual or cultural topics. You do her a disservice by being greedy with her time and attention. I mean, people always try to paint themselves in the best possible light and their opponent in the worst. That made me feel really loved and gave me a sense of confidence that is so, so important in a young girl (well, anyone, really). Think "he's a big boy" "He's a grown man. July 2, 2013, 12:43 pm, Shes 12 at what age are you supposed to be more able to enjoy mindless pop culture!?! So, here is the thing. WOW! How can I tell my husband he's a terrible driver? Build him up to your daughter while your opinion still means something to her. And then, the next morning, he was an angel and brought me coffee in bed. Saying later that night will you ask the spagetti head to pass the salt IS making fun of their child and it is healthy. But it sounds like dad needs to remove the ginormous stick from his ass and let his daughter fangirl. I dont understand the amount of hating on fandom today. Another possibility is that her husband doesnt understand how to connect with his daughter on an emotional level. What is this site, a Masters program? It must suck to have go some where with the two of them, and because your wife wants to be best friends with your daughter, you probably cant even talk with her while they are together. my husband is mean to my daughter Iesha Mulla Iesha is a loving mother of 2 beautiful children. Did nobody notice this in the OPs letter? Then stress that it's not too late to re-engage with his with family, the solution lies with him. Talk about making a little go a very long way. lets_be_honest But talking about that kind of shit non-stop is just BORING. If dad were interested in making an effort, he could find some common ground there and use that to tie into what he is interested in. If not, don't let this spoil your friendship and do what you can to keep her busy with other things so that she has less time to focus on this guy. 2.5K views, 176 likes, 19 loves, 3 comments, 12 shares, Facebook Watch Videos from Inframundo Relatos: SPOTIFY:. If he constantly puts her down she will not like him and she will not respect him because she knows that he has no respect for her. It may take years and years before the pay-off is apparent. Your kid may not always enjoy the activities you make them do, but part of being a parent is helping them develop into a good adult. It is best to talk with a counselor or therapist if you believe there is serious dysfunction in your marriage. Here are a few things to keep in mind as you navigate this difficult situation. However, he is an adult and should know that assignments will not help them grow close. bittergaymark He. First, remember that it is normal for there to be some conflict between a parent and child. I was struck by the fact that your husbands eye-rolling is the number one signifier of contempt an emotion that is known to signal marital unraveling and other relationship dissolution. I hiked and canoed. Are you on Tumblr? Did I always do things he would agree with necessarily? First let me say that my daughter is getting married and her dad is no help. because I think that as the teen years progress you will need some better strategies to deal with the 2 strong personalities that surround you. lets_be_honest This makes me so deeply jealous. I grew up with a dad who I had a lot in common with. July 2, 2013, 11:13 am. This jealousy can manifest in destructive behavior, such as belittling his wife or trying to undermine her relationships with others. Thats awesome! You dont have to be your daughters fellow geek and her best friend to have a good relationship. Bring stakes with them in case vampires show up. Its that shes finding she doesnt always like her dad. My dad probably had no interest in my piano recitals or spelling bees, but he sure knew how to act like they were the most important things in the world to him. honeybeenicki She and my dad didnt have much of a relationship, so she kind of looked to me to be her BFF, and I had a lot more in common with her. I know my father and I did not share a lot of interests when I was growing up I read a lot and was introverted. Intimate partners count on each other to maintain a sane interaction. Here are 16 ways husbands can unintentionally push their daughters away: It can be difficult to maintain a good relationship between your husband and your daughter, but there are a few things you can do to help. Their mind is broken, causing them to seriously overestimate their driving abilities. Oh, how fun for all three of you to just sit around endlessly for hours while the dvd player spins Buffy endlessly And then, next, comes Angel! This day is going down in history as the first day that Ive ever agreed with every single word youve said, BGM. Id hate it if a parent did that to me and Id hate it if my partner did that to me too. LW, what kind of music does your husband like? 2. If your H has strong BPD traits, his child-like behavior is easy to explain because his emotional development likely is frozen at about age four. What is arguable? Obsessed with dolls? Especially a board game like Cranium where everyone can shine in what theyre good at, and it can be good to pair up with someone youre different from. My other daughter moved out recently into a flat-share with some friends. This time is precious and its fleeting, and its understandable that you want to be well, greedy with it. If your teenager is starting to pull away, it is important to resist the urge to panic or try to force them to spend more time with you. July 3, 2013, 2:36 pm. Last week she followed him home after classes again, even though his bus goes in the opposite direction to where she lives. My mom begged me to stay close so I went to one about 3 hours away but it was in the city she grew up in and all of my family was there. July 3, 2013, 1:14 am, Lily in NYC Express appreciation in your husbands interests so that your daughter may learn to appreciate them or at least be curious about them too. Old Medication, New Use: Can Prazosin Curb Drinking? I firmly believe that there is no such thing as reading too much. Anytime someone starts a comment with an um, I dont bother reading it because its bound to be condescending. My dad got me into the Beatles and Hendrix, so I hear that! I dont comment a lot but wanted to say I often like your comments. Tell them in detail what you like about them. Usually, yes your car insurance coverage should extend to anyone else driving your car. Get the help you need from a therapist near youa FREE service from Psychology Today. Hey, that kind of worked for me. He is also very critical of both of us, but particularly of her lack of competitiveness (she hates team sports, and takes archery and piano but only for fun), lack of initiative, and being uninformed, to the extent that he gives her assignments, like reading articles from National Geographic and discussing them with him, which, of course, she resents. Heck, where would we be without Star Trek? Their partners also need to understand that most of the sabotaging behavior is not only unintended but carries significant grief and guilt with it. Its awesome to have your children engaged in the world (government, politics, history, etc). I do that with everyone I know who likes baseball, which probably makes me annoying, but its what I do. For every outing he chooses and she doesnt like, they should also choose something together that they can both enjoy (for example, shes into Star Trek and hes into science, so go to a space museum). Overly forgiving and intensely devoted partners do not help their partners by taking their patterns personally and destroying their own confidence when they cannot control the outcome. I have to agree to me the dads attitude is the problem here. He did research and found these beautiful Gotz dolls for my sister and I. I think your daughter will be too, if you listen to Wendy. As a kid, I was really into the idea of going to museums and seeing plays, but my parents refused to indulge me on it because they wanted me to like the outdoors, hunting, etc. He's always putting him down. The meaning of driving a car in a dream - WellBeing Magazine Yeah, in retrospect, it probably would have been better for me to join a team sport I actually wanted too, but 7th grade me was too shy to do it. He was just happy that I was excited about reading. Please dont disparage science fiction/fantasy as not being intelligent or low-brow for children and adults. You may not see the rewards right away. It sounds like she and her daughter just happen to share the same interests. He is clearly not getting the message. Whatever the reason, an alcoholic father can be very manipulative and controlling. Theyre a great way to get people who dont necessarily share a lot of common interests involved. July 2, 2013, 12:46 pm. The LW should do some serious work in building the bond, and working on her marriage, but I would make sure that the dad is putting in just as much effort. I always hated fishing growing up, but it meant that I got to spend time with my dad, so I went. Sad.

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